Hogwarts High
by Ehren Hatten
Summary: What happens when I mash hogwarts together with my old highschool and various other insane things? Nothing but the best for my readers. Dreamed this up, litterally. Chapter Two up!
1. The Insaity Begins

**_A/N: I woke up earlier than I normally do from a dream that had me as Astra in my old high school which had been turned into Hogwarts, for some reason. I hardly have dreams like this, and really, this is how I get some of my weirder ideas._**

**_So I decided to do Hogwarts High like it was my old high school Crockett High. Now, if you're wondering about Crockett and the jokes I crack about it, yes it is the Rose Red of Austin. Lockers have an almost non existent numbering system, rooms disappear without a trace, and I wouldn't put it past the faculty to make up stories of kids transferring out to cover for kids actually being eaten up by the school. For those of you who don't know what Rose Red is, go find a book. It's a TV movie by Stephen King, you'll find the Ellen Rimbaugher or however you spell her name as written by a fictional character._**

**_I know this has been done numerous times and that you'll accuse me of neglecting my other stories, but, as most of you already know because you've been through this with me before, I do eventually get back to those stories._**

**_So take a chill pill and enjoy the insanity! XD_**

**_And yes, this has Astra in it. I can't honestly tell you that I see Draco with anyone else. The pairing is too perfect, something I had never expected to happen. I happen to be a staunch originalist when it comes to the pairings, so very much Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione. Also, if you're wondering what's going on, this is taking place before the shit hits the fan in sixth year, or that stuff hasn't happened yet, but you get the idea, this is going to be funny, not angsty._**

**_At least not horribly angsty. Lol At least that's my hope._**

**_Also, this will be modeled after my high school, which is very much an American highschool, because I don't know anything about British public school. . ; Ah hah, and yes, I almost got transferred to another school in my senior year, because we had to move to another house and one of the houses was in the BOWIE district. . ARGH! CROCKETT COUGARS ALL THE WAY!But yeah, I almost ended up being put away from my bestest friend in the whole wide world and graduate from a completely different school from my own._**

_Hogwarts High_

_Chapter One_

* * *

The thestral drawn carriages came up to the front of Hogwarts High, carrying both new and old students to the old high school, especially two girls that were from an American school, transferring over on their mother's wishes. They were coming in from the wizarding village, Hogsmeade, where the middle school was located and the four houses were located. Each student was placed into one of the four houses, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Gryffindor and Slytherin were rivals for the house cup, and in everything else, but, thankfully, they were on opposite sides of the town.

Hogwarts High was supposed to be the best school for wizards and witches, and Astra Knight and her sister Avalon were no exception, especially since their father went to the school so very long ago.

The carriages came to an abrupt halt, sending students into each other, and some falling out of the carriages. Yelling erupted from the carriages as students got out complaining, however, what they saw only made some of them wonder if the faculty was clearly insane. There were a number of teachers assembled in the front of the school with a long banner that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY POTTER!"

Professor McGonagall was out in her usual long black dress waving beside a happy Professor Sprout, who was in a pair of coveralls and looking as dirty as usual. However, that didn't seem quite as bizarre as the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, standing with his long hair in a ponytail and his beard down to his knees, wearing of all things, a pair of Bermuda shorts and a striped polo shirt.

Harry Potter walked in the fall and winter uniform for the school, looking at the display and violently wanting to rip the banner to shreds. The only thing that could make the whole thing worse was if Draco Malfoy appeared to point it out or worse, Professor Snape coming out to cheer along with the rest of the faculty.

His worst fears were answered as the tall, dark and somewhat gruesome man walked out and stood next to Professor McGonagall, holding up a sock puppet and looking as surly as usual. When McGonagall whispered something to him, he suddenly started dancing around and waving, crooning in an impersonation of Elvis Presley to the sock puppet as though it was a microphone.

"Uh huh huh huh, Happy birthday, brat, happy birthday! Uh huh huh, happy birthday to you, oh yeah! Uh huh huh huh, Happy birthday, brat, happy birthday! Uh huh, and hope it was good for you!" he sang as he swiveled his hips.

While some kids giggled, Harry was flat out disturbed and ran for the doors, darting past the insane teachers. Several of the Gryffindors followed suit and so the whole scene looked like a reenacting of the parting of the Red Sea as students ran around the large and obnoxious banner.

The students all had to get their locker numbers and class schedules, which would force all to go about with a map to look for each as though they were looking for buried treasure. The two new girls were somewhat used this sort of thing, since their last school was even crappier than this one, so getting used to the fact that they might need to carry both a guide and a canteen of water in case they got lost, as well as their wands to start a signal fire in case they got really lost.

The students all walked up to the long table in the great hall where the teachers all sat with various signs saying A-D, E-H, I-L, M-P, Q-T, U-Z. Professor McGonagall was now sitting down with the sign that said M-P, where Harry had to go. She smiled faintly at him and marked him off in her binder. "Here is your new class schedule, Mr. Potter, and your locker number and combination. I hope you had a wonderful birthday, Harry," she said in her usual rather terse tone.

The bespecled, green eyed, black haired boy just nodded uncertainly at his transfiguration teacher and went on quickly to go look for his locker and stuff a few of his binders into it. That was when he ran into the two new girls. While he had been in this insanity for the past year and previous to that, been in the insanity of Hogsmeade Middle School, the two girls clearly were new, because they were looking at him and then at the table with a sort of uncertainty normally seen in the new arrivals.

A boy's scream outside sounded the initiation of one of the new boys. Harry had thankfully been able to avoid that little ritual, but his best friend Ron Weasley hadn't, since his two older brothers were doing the initiating at the time. Now, Harry was certain it was probably Seamus and Dean doing it to some poor Freshman.

The white haired girl was looking outside and stared, hunkering down slightly as though she couldn't believe that she was seeing it. Outside, there were three boys holding up a freshman boy and ran him right into a pole between his legs. "THEY JUST POLED THAT POOR KID!"

"I'm afraid that's normal around here," he said to the two, "The older blokes like to do that to the new arrivals."

The white haired girl looked horrified and looked to the younger black haired girl, who simply looked much like all the other girls around there, not so much disturbed anymore as so completely used to it that it was blasé. "Get over it, Astra, they did that at our old school," the black haired girl said.

The girl Astra grunted at the black haired girl in irritation as Harry left them to get to his locker. However, looking for his locker proved to be just as difficult as it had the previous year. He spotted his best friend Ron Weasley's famous red hair and followed after him until he came up beside him. "What number is yours?"

"Two oh five, what about you, Harry?" he asked, looking over to the black haired boy's sheet of paper.

"Two oh six. Well, at least we'll be next to each other. What about Hermione, is she near us again, or is she on the other side of the school again," asked Harry just as the bushy haired girl came up beside Ron.

"Before you ask, I already put my things away," she said stiffly. "Three hundred twenty five."

"At least that's closer than last year," said Harry.

"Until the three hundreds decide to move again," said Ron with a sigh.

"Maybe they'll move closer to my classes," said Hermione. Both boys looked at her, causing her to blush indignantly. "What!" She huffed slightly at them as Ron started laughing.

"Watch where you're going, mudblood," drawled a familiar and irritating voice. The Slytherins, once again, were all gathered in one hallway, leaning against people's lockers like they owned them and sneering at anyone daring to tell them to move aside. A pale haired boy with a pointed face and light gray eyes glared at Hermione with contempt.

Both Ron and Harry had their wands out, ready to hex Draco into another dimension, when Hermione huffed angrily at the pale haired Quidditch Captain and pulled the two out of the hallway. "This way, Harry," she said. "The two hundreds are in this direction."

"You mean I'll have to pass that git every day for the rest of the year?" grumbled Ron.

"I'm afraid so, Ron, but it can't be helped until they decide to move," said the bushy haired prefect. Ron was also a prefect, but he tended to be more lenient on everyone, and indeed, had little confidence that he would ever do a good job. Of course, Harry knew that Hermione meant the lockers moving and not the Slytherins.

The two new girls walked into the green occupied hallway and looked at them all disdainfully. Astra, the eldest, walked up to Draco, who was kissing a pug faced girl right against her locker. Avalon, the black haired girl, was on the other side, giving the boys over there blank glares that made the boys eek away from her like she had the plague.

"Excuse me, could you move, you're on my locker," Astra said in what had been an attempt at some semblance of civility. However, the pair kissing didn't seem to notice she was even there. Astra went a little red in her pointed ears and grunted. "Excuse me, could you possibly move?"

The pointed faced blonde boy just lifted up his hand in a rude gestured at her. She growled as her right eye twitched slightly. She grabbed his finger and pulled back on it, the boy immediately moving down, his face contorted in a silent scream. "I said excuse me, but then you lot don't seem to be very polite. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to be in the way?"

She let go of the boy and snapped her jaws at the girl before going to the locker in front of her. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YOU CERTIFIABLE BITCH!" growled the blonde boy.

There seemed to be an explosion in the hallway behind Harry and Ron as they dealt with their lockers. The entire hallway full of Slytherins was emptying out and running toward and past them, all looking rather fearful as a horrible smell drifted around the hall. Harry put his two binders for Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts into his book bag and walked over to the hallway they had passed earlier. In the middle of the hall was a rather scorched and dizzy Draco Malfoy, wavering in front of the white haired Astra, who had her wand pointed at the boy.

Hermione came up behind them and grumbled. "You brought it on yourself, Malfoy!" she said, a slight smug grin coming across her face.

Draco growled at Hermione and then glared at Astra, wand pointed at her. "FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR ATTACKING A PREFECT!"

"Fifty points well worth it, you inane excuse for authority," said the white haired girl before slamming her locker shut and stalking off. The black haired girl trotted up behind her, not even looking at the three assembled.

"Fifty points from Slytherin for blocking the hallways," said Hermione, the smug look coming out a little clearer before she turned and left.

The three friends walked to their first class, advanced Transfiguration, which had the black clad figure of Professor McGonagall standing at the front with her wand pointed toward the board. "I want to point out that during this year, you will be learning the more advanced techniques of transfiguration, including human transfiguration. I want to point out that doing this in this class will also require that you will have more homework than you are used to. Please note the homework box to my right. If it is not in there at the beginning of every class, it is automatically late and therefore failing."

While transfiguration was a somewhat normal class with the schoolmarmish Professor McGonagall, conversely, Defense Against the Dark Arts had everyone crammed into little desks and Professor Snape at the front with his little sock puppet on his hand. At closer inspection, Harry saw that it wasn't actually a sock puppet, but an actual hand puppet made to look like Professor Snape.

Draco Malfoy had to sit next to Astra on one row while she was on the next row. Harry sat behind both with Ron not far from him, and silently wondered how long the arrangement was going to last, what with it being her first day and she had already fried Draco.

Professor Snape, however, seemed to ignore the two trying to ignore each other. He had his arms crossed with the puppet resting on his arm. "I know what you lot are thinking, and you are wrong. This puppet was given to me by Professor McGonagall, however idiotic it seems, so that I might be able to work out some of my 'issues'."

The puppet suddenly seemed to come to life and waved its arms around. Snape talked out of the corner of his mouth in a higher voice as he moved the puppet. "I want everyone to tell me what you think of me!" it said.

The class stared incredulously at Professor Snape as he once again moved the puppet at them in a slightly more irritated manner. "I said, I want to know what everyone thinks of me!"

Hermione raised her hand. "Is this going to be on the test?"

Snape glowered at her and then moved to someone else. Seamus put his hand down and gave Snape a strange look, a cross between fear and wanting to laugh the loudest laugh in his life. "You're a deranged git."

"Did you hear that? HE HATES US!" the puppet cried. Snape patted the puppet as it seemed to cry into his chest.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," he drawled tiredly and went to the board. The puppet however, moved to look over his shoulder. "I'll kill you all," it said in that creepy high toned voice that was coming out of the corner of Snape's mouth.

"Sir? Are you sure Professor McGonagall gave that to you to help you?" asked Hermione, suddenly looking very worried at Ron and Harry.

Snape snapped around and glared at her. "YES! Why ELSE would I be carrying around a blasted puppet!" he growled as he flapped his arms around, the puppet somehow miraculously staying on his left hand.

Hermione quieted down as Snape snapped back around and went back to writing. The puppet, once again, appeared to look over his shoulder at them and hold up a pencil, moving it like it was trying to stab them. "I'll kill you all; I'll watch you all suffer! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

After class, everyone filed out of the room as quickly as possible, even Draco seemed to want out of their faster than everyone else. He met up with Pansy Parkinson and once again snogged with her right in front of everyone against one of the lockers. Harry grimaced and walked with his friends to lunch. However, they stopped when they saw Ginny with Dean, laughing and having what seemed to be a grand time as they walked to the Gryffindor table. Harry suddenly felt like a monster inside of him was coming to life and wanted to snap Dean's neck. He saw Ron had a similar look, but not quite in the same fashion.

"DON'T YOU EVER MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, MUDBLOOD," growled the raised voice of Draco behind them.

Astra, the white haired girl, was once again violently arguing with the Slytherin prefect. "WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET A ROOM!" she growled as she shoved Pansy out of the way and went into her locker to put her binders up and put her next class binders into her book bag.

Harry watched as Pansy grabbed a bit of Astra's hair and pulled on it. "You leave him alone!" growled Pansy.

Astra snapped around and shoved Pansy into the lockers by the shoulder. "Let go of my hair." The pug faced girl did it immediately and moved away from Astra in a huff. Draco, however, didn't seem quite as deterred. "Leave me alone, goat."

"I am hardly a goat," he said.

"You certainly seem to get around like one," she countered as she put her things into her bag.

"You've only been here a total of one day, what do you know about me?" he grunted.

"I know your type, ferret face. Rich boy type with a tendency to use any means necessary to get what you want," said Astra as she closed her locker. "Now leave me alone," she growled before walking to the great hall.

Harry silently wondered what god of frustration was out and about putting someone like Astra in the way of someone like Draco and Pansy. Or more like, what god was insane enough to do such a thing.

Another insanity appeared at the teacher's table and waved his hands about. Professor Dumbledore, still in his striped polo shirt and Bermuda shorts and ponytailed hair, smiled at everyone. "I would like to introduce everyone to two new students that have transferred here from America: Astra and Avalon Knight. Astra is in her sophomore year and Avalon is starting with us as a freshman," he said as Astra and the black haired girl stood up, "Please treat them well. I would also like to request that there be no more fighting in the hallways; I don't think the janitor can handle that much mess at one time."

In the corner of the room, mumbling to his cat was Mr. Filch the janitor. Harry could hear him faintly as he cooed to the cat. "My precious…. My everything… my all… we'll turn those kidsies into puddles of disgusting thingsies, yes we will," he crooned to the cat.

Harry had a violent moment of wanting to hurl himself as far away from the insane janitor as fast as possible, but he saw Ginny smiling at him as she mimicked Filch, suddenly making him grin and laugh, the monster in his chest calming down.

She then turned to the still irritated Astra, who seemed to be having an eating contest with Ron. "So what was your old school like, Astra?" she asked.

Astra looked up and blinked those big blue-gray eyes at her. "Huh? Ah… well, uh, we didn't have such nice things in our old school, as we were permanently over budget. No money coming in at all. We had to go around selling crappy cardboard candy to the students just to raise money for the school. They also lost you in their records all the time. My gran nearly had a fit when she tried to take me home for something and they continued to tell her that I had skipped school."

Ginny laughed and offered her hand. "I'm Ginny Weasley, the prat stuffing his face is my brother, Ron."

Astra shook Ginny's hand and smiled. "Astra Knight," she said in return.

Hermione offered her hand and introduced herself and then Astra turned to Harry. He nodded to her, as she was a bit further from him than the others. "Harry Potter," he said.

Astra's eyes seemed to widen and look to his forehead, which he grimaced and covered his forehead with his hair. She blushed faintly and pushed her glasses up her nose. Ginny rolled her eyes. "Don't mind him; he just gets that reaction a lot. He means nothing by it."

Astra smirked and giggled. "Yeah, I bet. Sorry, dude, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Harry shrugged it off and went back to eating.

However, Ginny didn't seem to care about eating at that moment. "I heard you set Draco Malfoy on fire when he didn't move out of in front of your locker."

Astra's ears went red, suddenly very embarrassed. "Ah hah hah, well, yeah, I sort of did. He flipped me off, so I pulled his finger the wrong way to make him move away… and he called me certifiable bitch, so I made a brick in the floor explode on him."

The Gryffindor table started laughing, causing the Slytherins on the other side of the room snarl in response. Harry chuckled as he looked over at a surly Draco glaring at them.

After lunch, Harry, Ron and Hermione walked to their next class, which was potions. Harry saw Astra walk in behind them with a few others, including Draco. They had a new teacher that year, who had taken up his old job and pulled the mat out from under Professor Snape, their former Potions Master. Professor Slughorn smiled broadly at them all as he introduced them to various potions and gave out textbooks. "Now I want you lot to take care of these books! Now, please go over to that cabinet and put new covers on your books to keep them safe!"

In the cabinet were large sheets over paper and spellotape. Harry had done this before with his books and saw as Astra also seemed quite used to doing this. Eventually, the books would be completely covered with whatever the individual child felt like writing on the cover, so the fake cover was necessary to keep from marking in the books, though that didn't stop some of the books ending up with notes.

Harry ended up with one of those books that had been written in. It had on the back of the real cover, Half Blood Prince, and on the front inside cover was "If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit".

Inside the book were notes upon notes, written in an almost unreadable gibberish. However, as he had found out as the class went on, that it seemed to help. Only Hermione and Astra seemed to have similar results without the help of the notes written on the margins. Slughorn, already quite partial to Harry when he found out that his mother had been Slughorn's favorite, had bolstered Harry into a higher favorable position than Hermione was getting, much to her disdain.

After class, was a free period, which meant a lot of the students could go back to their houses and study or do whatever they wanted, however that meant they had to walk back instead of using the carriages. Astra seemed to have the same off period as they did, so she walked with them out the front doors, holding what looked to be a heavier book bag on her back than that of Hermione's, though there was the orange and white outline of a longhorn steer head on her book bag alone with earphones around her neck blasting some sort of music that seemed to be in a completely different language.

"Why are you so hunched over, girl?" she asked Hermione, who was continuously hunched over from the weight of her books.

"Because my book bag has six books in it already, and that doesn't include homework and binders," said Hermione in an irritated voice.

Astra, who was walking quite straight, seemed unphased. "So do I, but you don't see me dealing with bad posture." She looked Hermione over and tilted her head to the side. "Let me see your bag." She slipped off her own and handed it to Hermione as Hermione took off hers and handed it to Astra.

Hermione seemed to drop to the ground as Astra let go of her bag. "HOW CAN YOU CARRY THIS THING!" she gasped as Ron helped her up.

Astra was still standing perfectly straight with the bag on her shoulders. "What are you talking about? It's not that heavy and yours weighs about the same as mine."

Harry started taking a good hard look at the difference between the two girls. Hermione was slim and tall, quite small boned, so her bag looked like it wore her. However, Astra was taller than her with broader shoulders and a broader body, the book bag sitting on her like it was supposed to.

Before Harry could say anything, however, that same irritating drawl could be heard behind them. "That's because she's a fat cow."

Astra twitched and glared over her shoulder at Draco Malfoy with a look of murder. "What did you call me?"

"You heard me," he said as Pansy came up beside him. "You're a fat cow, though it does seem to give you the ability to handle all those books unlike the twig."

Hermione growled and glared at Draco now, though she usually ignored him. She turned around and grabbed Ron's elbow, leading him off in a huff. Harry glared at Draco. "Do you always look like a ferret, or was that because of Moody two years ago."

The color drained from Draco's face and he snarled at Harry. Astra smirked at the pale boy before pulling on Harry's book bag to get them away from the Slytherin pair. Astra laughed as they neared Gryffindor house. "Oh that's great, what happened two years ago that would get THAT look out of that guy?"

Harry told her about one of their previous teachers, Professor Mad-Eye Moody in Hogsmeade middle school, making Draco turn into a ferret and bouncing him around the corridor. Astra laughed so hard she got hiccups and had to race into the kitchen of Gryffindor house to get a glass of water to calm her hiccups down.

In the nearly empty house, they ate snacks and did homework, or talked about Quidditch, which Astra seemed to be as avid a fan as Ron, though she kept talking about a team called the Sweetwater All-Stars. Harry saw a patch on her book bag that had a large star with "Sweetwater All-Stars" on the inside in red and blue. She told them about her playing beater on the team at her old school, which got Harry to tell her about the tryouts, since he was now the captain.

That evening, they ate in the common room, a bunch of house elves, including Dobby, cooking all the Gryffindors dinner, before going up to their rooms and going to sleep. There were fourteen parts to the house, excluding the common room, kitchen and bathrooms; so that the girls were separated from the boys and each year had a dorm to themselves. Harry roomed with Ron, Seamus, Dean and Neville. Harry bedded down for the night, thinking about being back to Hogwarts High and his first day of being a sophomore.


	2. When Chickens Attack

_**A/N: some people have actually asked me what I was watching/drinking/eating last night before I went to bed before writing that chapter, well let me tell you think. The only thing I dreamed up was the fact that Professor McGonagall was my creative writing teacher Ms. Price and that my old highschool was Hogwarts.**_

_**The rest just comes from my naturally twisted imagination after getting only five hours sleep.**_

_Chapter Two_

* * *

Harry got up and walked down to the kitchen to eat something for breakfast before having to catch the carriage to Hogwarts. He saw Ginny wandering around in what appeared to be a pair of his boxer shorts, which was interesting because he didn't recall ever losing a pair from his trunk. The shorts were red and gold tartan with a snitch down on the bottom of one leg. However, they seemed to look far better on her, as she was also only wearing a tank-top that had a red ball on it and under it said "Chasers are a better catch".

"Good morning, Ginny," Harry said, the monster inside his chest purring slightly as he gazed at her. She smiled at him, turning a bit pink. "Where on Earth did you get those?" he asked, pointing to the boxers.

She shrugged as she picked up her bowl of porridge and started to walk past him. "From your trunk," she said just as she walked up the stairs.

Harry stopped and turned, looking up at the girls' staircase and then started laughing. So the girl had raided his trunk! He wondered about the significance of that just as Ron came down and ruined his good temperament.

_Holy mother of God, what would Ron do to me, if he knew I just thought about Ginny wearing my short all the time?_

**Probably that you're trying to pawn off your old underwear, you dolt!**

Harry wondered about the conversation he was having in his brain before offering Ron an apple. "Have a good night last night, Ron?"

Ron grunted unintelligibly as the apple hit his forehead. He staggered over to the cabinet as Dobby showed up wearing an all green outfit that looked very much like he was trying to either be Robin Hood or Peter Pan.

"Ron Weasley wishes something of the magnificent Dobby?" he asked in that squeaky voice of his. He pulled out a bow and a quiver of arrows and grinned up at Ron. "Just think happy thoughts!"

It was a weird combination of both that Dobby was trying to be, only slightly less disturbing because Dobby was already strange to begin with. Ron blinked at Dobby and backed away from the little house elf as he suddenly jumped and went flying around both his and Ron's heads. "Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! And soon you will fly too!" sang Dobby as he suddenly shot an arrow at the open cabinet and a black cat fell out.

Ron and Harry looked to Dobby and then to each other. "Oh ho! How about a nice big fat cat for breakfast, my merry men!" squeaked Dobby. Ron and Harry shook their heads and backed up a bit more from the deranged house elf.

Dobby shrugged and grabbed the cat before jumping and flying out of the kitchen singing, "He can fly! He can fly! He can fly! He can fly! He can FLY!"

Suddenly, however, there was a scream from the house elf as something seemed to be attacking him. "Sounds like the cat wasn't all that dead," said Ron.

Astra walked down the stairs and looked to them groggily. "Have any of you seen my cat Skywise? He's about this big, kinda thin and is stark black."

Harry pointed to where Dobby was still screaming. "Over that way," he said.

Astra blinked, ruffling her already very messy white hair and walked over, disappearing around the corner. Harry looked to Ron with raised eyebrows, waiting for the inevitable explosion. The screaming seemed to stop, thankfully, but now it was deathly quiet. Harry hazarded a walk over to see what was going on and promptly had to clamp his hands over his ears at the volume of Astra's voice screaming at Dobby. "YOU DERRANGED MIDGET! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY CAT AGAIN, OR NEXT TIME IT WILL BE ME THAT KICKS YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY!"

Then, she walked around, covered in fur, but still catless, and looking very much like a zombie as she passed them. She stuck up a thumb in the direction of where she had come from. "Better call a janitor before Hermione sees that. I don't think I'll hear the end of it and I don't fancy going to Azkaban for murder on my cat's bill."

Ron peaked around the corner and immediately looked sick to his stomach, running out of the room quickly. Astra grunted as he ran into her on the way to the toilet. "WUSS!" she called at him before walking back up the staircase.

A long and lean black cat appeared from around the corner and licked its paws which were covered in something wet that Harry didn't really want to know what it was. Then, he chirped at Harry before limping out, oblivious to the fact that he still had part of an arrow sticking out of his right hind leg.

Harry finished eating and went up to get dressed, deciding on not wearing the sweater part of the uniform and just putting on the red and gold letter jacket that all the Quidditch players wore. His, however, had a snitch on the left sleeve and the word Gryffindor down the right sleeve and a large C on his left breast, a small lion outline on the inside of it. He pinned the captain badge onto the collar of his jacket before picking up his book bag and heading out quickly to catch the carriages before they left without him.

He was met up with Ginny, wearing the girls' school uniform, though also without the sweater and wearing the letter jacket that had a red ball on the left sleeve and her name on the right breast. He grinned at her as they walked together toward the carriages. "Have a good morning in my shorts?" he smirked, starting to turn red at his own audacity.

"Only if you rethink that statement," she grinned evilly.

Harry blinked for a moment before his entire face heated up completely from realizing just what he had said. Ginny, however, was laughing as she trotted over to a carriage and got in with Avalon Knight, who looked about ready to hit someone over the head with something very heavy.

Ron ran up behind him and jumped into a carriage with him, Hermione scurrying in behind them with that heavy book bag of hers. Harry felt the carriage actually sink into the ground as she got on with the book bag, and then felt like some sort of earthquake went off when she dropped it onto the floor.

What the hell do you put in that thing!" gasped Ron as he pulled himself onto the seat again.

"What do you mean? It's my homework and my books, my binders, my cat, my pens, pencils and quills, my snacks, my female things and a few moonrocks for added weight." There was a sound like a cat growling inside the bag as she smiled at them happily. Harry wondered if the insanity of the previous day had some influence on her behavior now.

Astra hopped on with her own heavy book bag, but it wasn't nearly as heavy as Hermione's, and considerably smaller at that. She sat down and sighed as the carriages started heading out, but they were still there. She blinked at Harry and then out the window. "What's wrong? Why aren't we going?"

Harry looked out the door at the Thestral straining to move the carriage. "It's Hermione's bag, she over stuffed it so now the thestral can't move the carriage."

Hermione huffed and tried to move her book bag, but it was too heavy for her to lift again. Astra opened up Hermione's book bag without looking at her and tossed out Crookshanks the cat, some rocks and what looked to be a stereo. "Just what in hell are you trying to do? Make us late?"

"No! I was going to prove you couldn't lift everything better than me!" Hermione shrieked.

Harry closed the door and the carriage started off to the castle quickly. Astra rolled her eyes as she closed Hermione's bag. "I'm half elf, damn it, I'm allowed to be stronger than a normal human," Astra grumbled as she pulled a bit of white hair behind a pointed ear.

Harry wondered why he hadn't noticed them before, since they seemed to stick out quite a bit from her head. "Elf?" he asked, not sure what to believe now.

"Yeah, my sister and I are both half elf," said Astra as she leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her as she peered over her glasses at them. "What of it?"

"Would it make me more of an ass if I said that you're bigger than the elves I've seen books?" asked Ron, a slow grin spreading across his face.

Astra laughed and elbowed him. "Damn straight it would," she grinned.

The carriages stopped in front of Hogwarts and let the students out of them before disappearing around the school to the stables where their good friend the half giant Hagrid took care of the thestrals. However, from around the corner from the stables, appeared Hagrid, hair in a large afro with a hair pick in it and wearing a red leisure suit and black platform boots, as though he wasn't tall enough already.

"Hello, baaaaby," he said to Hermione, grinning at her through his poofy beard. "I heard you lot don't have me as your teacher anymore," he said in a smooth voice, "Too bad, too, baby."

Harry and Ron both stared at Hagrid as though he'd lost his mind. Suddenly, Hagrid struck a pose as some disco music started playing and then started gyrating his hips to it before going into a Russian kick. Then, just as suddenly, the music stopped and Hagrid was looking at Hermione and Astra like they were the latest playwizard models.

"Lets swing, baby, go to my shack and I'll show you what being a half giant is about," he said to the two girls. Astra looked about ready to throw something at him while Hermione was turning bright red.

Ginny came up beside Harry and Hagrid grinned even wider at her, playing with the hair pick in his afro. "Hello there, Ginny Weasley, having a good freshman year?"

Harry tried to get in front of Ginny, but she shoved him out of the way as she smiled brightly at Hagrid. "Why yes, I am."

"Want to make it better? Come down to my shack and I'll butter your waffles," he grinned.

Ginny blinked and stared at Hagrid, completely uncertain as to how to take that. "Er, I already had breakfast in Harry's shorts."

Harry stiffened and turned bright red as Ron looked to Harry with a murderous look in his eyes. "Oh, in his shorts? How about I smother you with molasses and call it breakfast?"

Professor McGonagall walked out wearing her usual black dress and shoved at Hagrid. "BACK! BACK, I SAY! BEFORE I GET THE HOSE!"

Hagrid laughed as disco music suddenly filled the air again and Hagrid danced off. "I gots the FEVAH!" he exclaimed as he walked around the corner. The students stared at a huffing and puffing McGonagall's back before she turned around, pulled a strand back behind her ear and walked off as though nothing had happened.

They walked to their first class, charms, which had Professor Flitwick dressed in a labcoat as he played with his wand on the podium. "No one understands a mad genius! Everyone hates you and tries to throw things into your mad experiments!"

They sat down and watched as he turned around and grinned evilly at them. "Welcome my guinea pigs—oops—I mean students! I shall be beginning by teaching you advanced charms stuff and including in that my charms experiments!" He suddenly pointed at Harry, causing him to jump. "YOU! YOU SHALL BE THE FIRST TO TAKE ON MY EXPERIMENTS!"

Harry blinked at the finger pointed directly between his eyes, causing him a slight headache from his eyes crossing too long. Flitwick jumped from his podium and landed on the desk in front of Harry and pointed his wand at him. "PREPARE YOURSELF FOR YOU IMMINENT DOOM!"

Harry fell out of his seat and pulled out his wand, putting up a shield charm just in time to avoid a bunch of birds flying out at him all with tommy guns. Everyone else ducked under their desks as the insane Flitwick cackled. "FLY! FLY MY PRETTIES!"

Then, just as suddenly as the strange tirade had begun, it stopped and Professor Flitwick as standing there, twirling and putting his wand into his coat like a gun slinger. Then, he bowed at Harry. "You have much to learn, young grasshoppah!" he squeaked before hopping back over to the podium and started teaching the lesson.

Going to his locker, he saw Draco and Pansy once again with all the other Slytherins blocking the way to most of the lockers. Then, suddenly, Pansy grew a beak with a faint pop. Then, she grew yellow feathers and suddenly turned into a canary. Just as she did, Draco turned into one as well, though partially, glaring at Harry. He squawked at Harry for a bit as he hopped up and down growling and squawking at him. Then, Draco began a full canary and flitted up to Harry's head, pecking at him. "Get off me, you pidgeon!"

Then, just as suddenly, Draco landed on Harry, punching him on the nose. "YOU GAVE ME ONE OF THOSE BLASTED CANARY CREMES DIDN'T YOU!" he snarled.

"No, I did," said Astra as she closed her locker. In the ruffle of feathers and Draco acting like Donald Duck, Harry hadn't noticed she'd appeared. Draco snarled at Astra and made to punch her, but she put up her book bag in front of her and his hand hit it with a dull THUNK. "You really should look into not hitting people, you know," she said with a grin, "You never know what will be in a person's bag." She pulled out a rather dense looking book and grinned at Draco evilly.

Hermione smirked from where she was standing as Pansy popped back into existence. "Ten points from Slytherin for fighting in the hallway," she said coolly.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for using an illegal substance," said a silky voice from behind them. Professor Snape was standing there with the ever present Snape puppet on his left hand. "Isn't that right, Scrappy?"

"Yes, yes!" said the puppet in that eerie high voice that was coming out of the corner of Snape's mouth. "And I want to see them dance to the Macarena too!"

"Scrappy?" asked Ron incredulously.

Scrappy the puppet got in Ron's face threateningly. "I've got a few utensils I'd love to use on you if you don't like the name," said Scrappy.

Ron blinked and backed away, hiding behind Hermione. "And ten more points from Gryffindor for insolence!" said Scrappy.

"Indeed, such insolence shouldn't come from children," said Snape as he grinned eerily at Harry. "Especially ones like Potter," he said.

"You tell Malfoy and the rest of his lot that blocking people's lockers is wrong, and then I'll stop tormenting the idiot," said Astra, a look of anger starting to spread on her pale face.

"Detention!" growled Snape. "I want to see you in my office after your last class!" Then, he snapped around and started walking off.

Once again, Scrappy looked over Snape's shoulder and had a pencil in his hand and was stabbing it at them. "Die! Die! Die! I'll turn you all into flies!" it cackled.

Herbology that day seemed to be the only time that a teacher wasn't acting like they'd completely lost their marbles. Professor Sprout, dressed in coveralls and dirt, was bouncing around from one pot to another as she told each student exactly what to do. When Herbology was over, Harry dreaded setting foot outside of the greenhouse. It may have been covered in monstrous plants that would likely stun you and then eat you without a second thought, but at least they weren't poking their heads around the corner with a puppet named Scrappy or jumping around calling people their guinea pigs.

Harry went to lunch only to end up running into Professor McGonagall as she bustled into the Great Hall. "Oh, good afternoon, Harry," she said in her usual tone as she cast a worried look around. Then, she stopped and looked behind Harry at something he didn't dare turn around to look.

"I am the secret SQUIRREL!" squealed Professor Flitwick as he flew over their heads. It was just as bad as Harry feared; Flitwick was dressed in a cape and tights. "HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

"He's mighty mouse, all right," said Astra as she looked up at Flitwick landing at the teachers' table and sitting down as though nothing had happened, though Hagrid was still dressed in a leisure suit and an afro.

Harry made it into great hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table just in time to see Astra and Draco run into each other. He didn't see what happened, he just caught what looked to be Draco saying something to Astra and then she slapped him, turning bright red. She stalked over to the Gryffindor table and sat down, having her own eating competition with Ron once again.

"What did he say to you?" asked Ginny.

"Ask yourself this question, Ginny," she said with a completely straight face, "If Draco said something that made you want to slap him, would you want anyone else to ask you what he said?"

Ginny clamped her mouth shut and shuddered. "Why is he even saying anything like that to YOU? You're a Gryffindor and, no offense, but you're a lot bigger than the other girls."

"So are you," grunted Astra, turning pink as she glared at Ginny.

"I am not fat!" grunted Ginny.

"So you WERE calling me fat!" growled Astra as she stood up and slammed a fist into the table. A large chunk of the old English Oak table splintered where her hand met the table. That seemed to end the fight right there, especially since everyone seemed to be looking to the wood and imagining that their face was there instead.

Harry grunted and looked to Ginny and then to Astra, both ignoring each other very adamantly. "Would you two quit it? We're in the same house; you'll both have to apologize at some point! So you're both bigger than the other girls, doesn't mean anything!"

"Are you calling us fat!" snarled both girls at once.

Harry immediately stood up and glared at them. "No! I am not calling you fat! Ginny, you're…. y-you're…" He suddenly turned red as he looked to her, seeing the curves of her body quite clearly. Her hips were a bit wide, but they were round and were connected to shapely legs and her top half was just as nicely shaped. Astra was broad shouldered and busty with a slight curve to her waist and rounded hips, but didn't have the same shape as Ginny.

Harry coughed and got a hold of himself, mentally bitch slapping himself as he looked back at Ginny. Then, he had to bitch slap himself once again before throwing his brain into a blender. He was done for, all right. "You're both very pretty. Ginny, you're curvy and you wouldn't keep getting boyfriends if you weren't pretty. Astra… you're…. a bit scary looking," he said, unable to find a way to compliment her without sounding like a lecher.

Thankfully, she seemed to take that as a bit of a compliment. She laughed and rubbed her nose before pushing her glasses up her nose. "Yeah, I am, aren't I. I was compared to an Amazon once," she laughed. Harry didn't have any trouble imagining that, somehow the image was perfect for what he'd seen of the half elf.

With the matter settled, they all sat down and relaxed, Ginny going back to the conversation before. "As I said, it's a bit weird, what with him hitting on you already and it being only your second day."

"He's probably trying to get a rise out of me, most people seem to enjoy doing that to me; mostly because I don't disappoint them," said Astra, glaring slightly at the green clad table.

She pulled out her wand and grinned nastily as she waved it. A bunch of chickens appeared and flew right onto the tables, though they all congregated to Draco, his green and grey letter jacket clearly visible. Astra grunted. "I hate wand work; I never seem to be able to pull it off quite right."

Draco blinked at the chickens and started to poke at them with his wand. They clucked and some would start giving off a screech every now and then when he started zapping them. He laughed and the rest of the Slytherins started laughing from their table, pointing at the chickens and then at the Gryffindor table.

Draco continued to zap them, making them jump as the girls around him giggled. Suddenly, the chickens stopped jumping. They looked up at Draco, all with angry glares and started attacking him, pecking him mercilessly. "ARGH! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" he shrieked as he ran around with his arms flailing about.

Harry's eyes widened in shock and then he started laughing. "You should keep doing that! That's perfect!" he said to Astra.

Astra laughed. "I remember what I did wrong, too! I think I like that one!"

Professor McGonagall ran down the steps from the teachers' table and went after Draco and the attacking chickens. Snape, however, stood up and glared at Astra. "Make that TWO detentions, Miss Knight!" he snarled as the puppet waved about on his hand, probably saying something obscene, but was too far away to be heard.

Somewhere, not too far away, on the same island really, the creator of the puppet sneezed and knew that one of his creations was being infringed upon, but he was infringing on someone else's idea, so he couldn't really complain. So he went back to making fake puppet shows about one of his favorite series and whined about not getting Voldemort to look evil enough.

Back in Hogwarts High, however, Harry discovered why he stayed as far away from the music and art section of the school as often as possible. A cacophony of sound could be heard along with paint and sequins on the floor everywhere you stepped. He looked up the corridor to see a purple clad figure running at him, looking much like a bat with his cloak flapping. "GET OUT OF HERE, CHARLIE!"

Then, Harry realized he'd appeared in someone else's story and the creator of the series promptly fainted from shock.

Once the hallucination was gone, Harry went on to go look for his next class, the numbers having switched around on him once again. He suddenly heard a whistle and the sound of cattle mooing as the hallways suddenly filled with children being herded through. "Back! Back I say! Move on out!" called a familiar voice.

Nymphadora Tonks was looking as lank as she had been pretty prone to for a while. She was blowing the whistle and using her wand to swipe at the students like a cattleprod. In fact, that was exactly how it looked like she was using her wand.

Harry slammed himself up against a wall and let the kids pass by him with the metamorphagus herding the mass of kids up the hallway, sounds of cattle mooing dying away. He sighed and found his next class, seeing Ron already in it.

After Astronomy, which turned out to be fairly normal as well, Harry walked on back to Hogsmeade with Ron. Astra, however, got to stay over at the school. She walked to Snape's office and found him talking to his puppet. "Yes, I know they think they know everything, that's why I hate them! Stupid Gryffindors, always hating me!" he whined.

Scrappy, the puppet, spoke in that eerie high voice that came out of the corner of Snape's mouth. "We should burn them! Burn them all and watch them suffer!"

"No no no! I can NOT even THINK of doing such a thing! Just think! I'll be looked down on as such a—aw screw this, let's just kill them all and be done with this," he growled and stood up.

"Good good, then we can make them all into appetizers for the beasties in Hagrid's pen!" squealed Scrappy with joy as he stabbed the air with a pencil.

"Sir, I'm here for my detention," said Astra as she walked in.

Snape turned on her and grinned. "STARTING WITH YOU!"

Astra blinked and stared at Snape. "Sir?"

Scrappy was in her face, stabbing at her with the pencil. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Astra instinctively grabbed Snape's arm and twisted it around until she had thrown him completely over her shoulder. Snape landed hard and skidded to a halt somewhere in the hallway. He groaned as he stood up and dusted himself off. "Thank you very much," he said with a cough. He grunted and walked back into the room and waved his wand about. "Now, clean this place before I get back and MAYBE I'll decide to make your second detention obsolete." Then, he walked out leaving Astra with a broom, bucket and scrub brush on the floor.

Astra smirked. "At least he didn't say without magic."

Scrappy appeared through the door. "Without magic!"

"DAMN IT!"


End file.
